This is one of my lowest moments.
It is perfectly normal for a Christian to feel burdened for someone else. The things I've been telling others, is hitting me right in the face. Many of times, I've even remembered encouraging friends, telling them to not worry for the dilemmas they're in. God's always there, just pray, and He hears you. Its simple, really. Well, of course there are a lot more to that but that's really the sum of all things I usually say.

It is, really indeed a Godly spirit to feel burdened for another person. But this one, just makes me feel so low. I've been through this. Its so hard sometimes, that I go to church every week, praise God for who He is. But when I meet my friends, I hold back in telling them about Jesus. Then, when I don't, I feel this burden for them, this worry that they're unsaved. How can I not introduce them the one son of Man, Jesus Christ? My heart just feels extremely weighed down right now. This grieve is so hard to undergo.

Also, these things would be really easier if I would've focused to God all the time. But somehow, I feel like I'm not strapped with the word of God. Then again, whatever it is, I've known really really nice people. People that are nice to me, mean to me. Friends that somehow, I just have to forgive. Whatever it is, I still feel very low. Too low to do anything about it. Honestly, I regret not being committed. I've seen how God work in my life when I'm obedient. If I would've just equip myself more with His word, I know I can go far. For everyone. I know miracles will happen as I've experienced them so many times.

The whole day, I've been grieving for people's salvation. It feels too much for me to bare. I just wanna stop doing everything and cry for them. I've been feeling that the entire time of these days. Somehow, I could've been a better friend to everyone. I'm sorry. I really am, to you guys whom I've been bad to. Whom I've offended you in any way. Jesus, would be someone you need to know, regardless of how different you think you are from others. Everyone's unique. You're special, so is everybody else.

But this one person, knows you by name,by heart, and by your thoughts.
Ask me. Ask me what I want to tell you, and I will do anything to let you know.

jamming session

Jamming session once again. Its good to take some time off from work. We played sammy's song for Ian's assignment. I had two recording sessions in college, but it turned out to be pretty bad because our timing's off so we couldn't synchronize accordingly. The solution was then to go out and practise our song, to get it right and then head back to recording. It was a slow song, very mellow, nice to play to.
I didn't pick an interest on upbeat songs after 2 years of playing. Well, first off, my filling in sucks, so heehehe, there you go, why I prefer slow songs. The white board is the scribbling of the song's structure. Kinda complicated I must say. Before I've seen it drawn out, I couldn't remember how the song goes cuz the arrangement of this one is very different. Unlike the usual ones, verse,chorus,verse,chorus,bridge,chorus,end.
We played, played, and Pam draws a Patrick on the side of the board. If you don't know. Patrick is one of the characters from spongebob. He's this star. Even I myself only watched spongebob 1-2 times. Don't know much about it. Back to the point, it was a good night =) The studio wasn't the best, but at least I enjoyed myself.

Notice that these photographs were taken by a digital camera. Its kinda cool, there's this flash that Pam uses, that enables her to get the displayed effects of noise. Its sort of slow shutter, but not. Get what i mean?

My assignments for this weekend are verged on the impossible. It's pretty clear to me already. I kept reminding myself, the best way to describe it is even if I wouldn't occupy my sleeping time, it was still impossible to be done. However, I've decided to not give up on myself. The least I could is trying to finish up as much as I'm able to do. People always say that thinking on the positive side is good. Say yes and it sort of comes true, as long as you believe in yourself in the capability of doing so. Some say, better stick to reality. If you can't do it, be honest to yourself and say you can't. In my means, I pray, then I do my part, and know that it will turn out for the better.
Tonight, I've decided to manage my assignments in constructing a time-table. To be honest, I'm not really a time-table kinda guy. 7 years ago, I never intended to come up with better time management solution, even when I was taught to do so. 2 years ago, I still never did. The most that I do is, manage my assignments in a very rough manner in HOPES of not overlooking or missing anything. Tonight, all that, is just too much for my mind to take. I've decided, why not write in down in a piece of paper, day to day, hour to hour, when are my submissions and how many hours I'm going to impart in the many assignments. Everyone's got a first time for something. And this is mine.
I've accorded my hours in a rather packed way, that I didnt give myself any rest. Tomorrow, I am to do these things and be discipline in accomplishing everything I've set for myself. I have to. Really hope that things go as planned. Its really really good, knowing that my hard work paid off. It just feels sooo relieving and thankful that someone appreciates my work. Sleeping hours being cut down to 2-4 hours each day, skipping two meals everyday just doesnt seem to healthy for me. And yes, its not a self-pitty statement, but I shall sort of a way that my health will not be affected too drastically for this. This almost feels like Chris Gardner's life. Work hard, and with God's blessing, it pays off. Really well.
I am very well awared that lots and lots of people are going through/have been through multiple tough situations more than I did. That makes it difficult for me to complaint. It makes it hard for me to say 'no'. Looking from a better point of view, I know that this will be an experience that'll assist me in my decision making in the future. I've heard many stories, of people enduring difficult, almost backbreaking expreriences in their lives. One of the many ones I found touching was the experience my lecturer had shared to us with.

It was concerning her hardships during her university period of time. I hope I dont misapprehend this. We were told of how she had registered for a course overseas, and in the end, it was sort of a hoax of somekind. The lecturers did not even knew there was a course of the one she enrolled for. Therefore after her efforts of getting the university to grant her with what she should at least be obtaining, she finally got a lecturer to run the course. The pity was that her course/class was only occupied with 2 students including herself.
I know, that is really, really some story to be shared. An extremely touching one, after seeing how much of a person she is now. That story makes me really small in a funny way somehow. Then again, it motivates me in knowing that hard work pays off, at least making you a person of character, a winner.

The 'Top Secret' movie was really entertaining. Im still wondering whether it anyhow relates to the 'Aeroplane' movie. These two movies are rather classical, directed with a serious storyline that cracks viewers up with stupid jokes.

I've noticed that I have habits of starting my many sentences with 'I'. Gotta start improving on that one :)

Answers to Life. Do you want to Believe?

Most of the time, people tend to misinterpret the saying 'Live your life to the fullest'. I strongly believe it actually originated from the meaning of as living your life successfully, achieving things you actually can achieve if you try, and not forgetting where you're from. Things that you're blessed with, that sometimes surpasses our mind and we tend to forget easily/take for granted.
To me, a man that achieves success in his career and family is never complete until he meets the characteristics of His spirit.
I humbly admit, that once I was a man of pride, a man who think he knows it all, a man who does not understand TRUELY what this world is of all about. One who listens to music without having the awareness of what it means. Now, I get whole wide perspective of life.. Yes! I finally did. I cant answer questions to how extremely big is the universe, but at least I know the creator of it. I cant explain it in words when being questioned by an unbeliever, "Why is life so unfair? Why are separated into categories of fame, wealth, and those who live just to survive tomorrow?". It is common that I'm bombarded with these questions of skeptics, complaints and blind desperation. Though hard to explain, I have learned to discern in putting all my faith in His ways and thoughts. Thoughts we can even grasp if we were to be told today. I've learned to say, "okay, lets just have faith". Two years ago, faith was never in my dictionary. I couldn't be bothered to shut my mouth and listen, all because of my big ego, closed-mind and habits of believing what I see with my own eyes.
Some answers to life will be kept sealed till God knows when. If He were to tell you why you're your mum's son, how he created the universe, how He had to send His one and only son, Jesus Christ to die for us in order to give us salvation, how scientifically He tells you the concept of sin, water, blood and birth, would you be able to grasp the meaning of these answers? Would you even be prepared to uncover these questions? No. And that is He gave us a life of choice. And what I mean by choice, it is not as simple as just the usual coffee or tea decision-making situation. It is decisions we take step by step, in order with what He pleases, and then you get you get your big day. A big miracle no one can explain. Why someone would drop cash worth of ten thousand dollars in your bank account. Better yet, spiritual blessing instead of material ones!



Things of the world become strangely dim. It doesn't matter anymore. But that does not mean, we should lay around and do nothing about it. God works with us, He does not expect us to utter prayers that sounds like a genie that grants three wishes of yours.
Its true, worldly things cant last forever. The word 'eternal' is usually a metaphor used by unbelievers that means 'until we die" or "until we leave this world". Hey, the word eternal is no longer something that you imagine. It is true.
I know that I will be put to the test, many times to come. How far can He push me, how far can I say no to things that displeases Him. Then again, He doesn't bring us to situations that we cannot withstand. He knows our limits. Choice. How committed do you want to be?
I've have known many people who strays away from their strong trust in Him. Sad, but then again, choices make you who you are, similar to life.

One of my design classes trained us to conduct research in these few themes we chose. Propagandas and so on. Interesting, we learn to study in detail among how all these things occur and come about. God told me to look at the big picture. Wow, now I see everything. I have the least things to say now, unlike the pass skeptical minded me that would whine and complaint about how this is unfair and that is worst. What Im doing, in the design field requires me to understand facts and visualize things that sometimes could be the nastiest way to God. This gives me the disadvantages to the limitation of what I think I can do, but NOT execute. BUT, in the end of the day, its still an advantage. Somehow, I learn to comprehend both sides and managed well.

For the Lord says something that dazzled me for weeks. This is not exact, but it goes something like this, "For the world cannot understand the works of the Spirit, but a man who discerns in the Spirit does". Being the smartest man on Earth does not mean you are able to understand the works of God. It just would not be logical to you. It just wont. I'm not saying that we have to start looking at things in a fantasy-like way though. No need to picture Harry Potter, dragons and things like that.

End of chapter one's sermon from pastor waikit, hahahaahah.

I apologize, for I notice that the points and paragraphs can be arranged in a much better way for easier understanding. I wrote it as I think. God bless you. Now, take some time off, and start thinking about what I have said. It would mean a total change to your life, and many others. Im not kidding you. Thank you to those who taught me a whole load of things that meant a thousand words. Attitude, sayings, humility. To family, friends, and lecturers. =)

Jesus walks with me

JESUS WALKS


Moments of desperation takes over again tonight, and yes I know I shouldn't turn to God only in times of trouble. After these two years of embracing Christianity, all the memories come rushing back towards me again, reminding me that hey, you were once a strong committed child of God. Where did all your fire and enthusiast go to?
Thank God, that He has His ways of leading me to prayers all again, although I stray away countless times. This moment, this very moment.. All the sayings and advices (inspired by God) is spoken to me once again. It was very hard trusting the Lord considering by problem that I will share out later with. It just hit me hard when Pam told me to just trust Him and have faith in Him.
Christian brothers Shawn and El, gave me strong, STRONG convincing word. Word that says, that God is IN me, that I need not worry and all left for me to do is to place my full trust in Him.

What happened was, I was caught with forging the residential car-sticker. Firstly, regardless whether Im able to execute a perfect 'fake' car-sticker or not, I've totally learned my lesson not to do it, anymore. It was pretty serious I''d say, considering that I have to confront the management office's people tomorrow. I was led to an area where I couldn't reason anymore. That is where I experienced, the people and friends that stuck up for me in times of my trouble and desperation. I prayed to the Lord, seeking for guide and wisdom to comprehend things.



This really reflects on my true-self, whether I would have faith in Him when Im really placed in the position where most things are impossible. I should start taking things even more seriously with God, wayyy more serious. Im having a presentation tomorrow in the noon, and in the morning, I have to face the management of the residential area Im living in, concerning my forgery or a car-sticker.
I've learned that the road to solution is never to run away, but to settle the problem. Face whatever circumstances I have to pay for the wrongdoings of mine. I prayed, prayed, cried, and all sorts of emotion ran in me. I believe Jesus' ways are higher than mine, and he knows best.

Shawn : God is already with you and have full faith in Him. Dont worry too much. Pray, and whatever the outcome, just thank Him cuz it might've been worst without Him.

Thank you Pam, for being there every time I'm in need of somebody. It would've been much harder without you. Thank you Ian and Sammy, for sticking up for my problem. I appreciate your unconditional help for me. Thank you Shawn, Elvin, for your prayers. THANK YOU LORD, whatever the outcome is tomorrow, I'll know you were there for me.

capturing exactly what I need

Struggling with the Botswana's indusity project, I have only 1 week left to submission week. I've gone through ideas and ideas but nothing seem right. Nothing seem satisfying to myself.
Then there's the point where having to judge myself comes in. Things' weren't running as smooth as I hoped it went. Ideas may be inclining,but it would have helped alot if slow people like me can think ahead. I mean, think about it, one week left and Im still stranded at the position where I should already have accomplished. Then again, if I would've used my previous ideas for this project, it would've suck bad. Thats a nono.
Think.. Botswana as one of the best known country for its wilderness, comes along with that 'rich & famous' term. Have you ever been aware that this country is one of the leading countries that mines diamonds? Let's just put aside the blood diamond and 'debtswana' issue for a second here.
I couldn't get my ideas out, no matter what I do, read, look at or hear. The chicken essence doesn't seem to be working so much for me anymore. And yes, gazing at great adverts is didnt seem to be helpful enough. Till the moment, that she says this...

Pam: Try to incorporate what rich folks do, with the environment of the African savannah and wilderness.

Me: ....what have I been thinking for the past 3 weeks?! THATS IT!

Pam: See, I should've taken your course!

Plans are all up, yada yada yada, calls to borrow a golf club from uncle, appointment with a model and so on. Theenn, things got out of hand again, as these two past days just decided to rain on me and ruin everything. But hey,look at the ads photograph! Turned out pretty-well.


Now just look how tough it is to be a photographer when models do not cooperate with you.
Anyway, thanks to pam, for her outstanding vision, and odie for making me snap 500 shots of you. cheers! BOTSWANA, YOU CAN.

adapting with a new world

Been lately encountering the thoughts of myself being too prone to doing assignments and researches that I realize I'm actually missing out a lot on family and friends. The routine of each and every day is almost as if I don't have a life. Altogether, its almost exactly like the movie Pursuit of Happiness. Well, minus the achievement part that is.
The movie talks about a man who went through extreme ups and downs of life, even in one point that he was forced to live over night in a subway toilet, due to not having himself a place to live. The very thing I admire is the determination is there, but the possibility of grasping something is almost none.

The never ending assignments lead me astray. It brought me to a place where I do not recognize music anymore, where I barely spend time at home, and not even knowing my close friend's major life transition. But that's how it goes, you miss out of something, you gain another. Chris Gardner went through persecution in life, he fought for a good life for himself and his son. The ending though seemed a little blurry, because it doesn't look like he had it all. He gained a whole lot from what he used to be, but his wife never came home.
It's easier explaining it through a movie, rather than speaking of some metaphors which will confuse you at the end of the day.

Chris Gardner: I'm the type of person; if you ask me a question, and I don't know the answer.. I'm gonna tell you that I don't know. But I bet you what, I know how to find the answer, and I WILL find the answer.

visual attracts/ visual kills

I had always been in situations dealing with people that 'label' themselves in an indirect manner. I believe its no harm bringing this up, as might lead this to a better understanding

MTV has been channeling mainstream bands that comes in different genres of rock. From what we see today, out of the 10 people that we know, it is most likely that 7 of them sort of hooked themselves into music categories that they believe 'suit' themselves most. Nothing out of the world, no big deal huh? The question of, if we Malaysians are not connected/acknowledge to this channel at all, do you still think there are still as many of these people that claimed to be the so called 'punks'?
Have these typical Malaysian "punks/skinheads/goth"ever came to the realization of the true definition of these lifestyles their embracing? Lets just put it this way, do self-acclaimed 'punks' ever understood the roots and history of indeed the TRUE punks? Does listening to a little bit of Metallica makes you 'one of them'? If your regular mp3 player has the 'Until the day I die' song, does that conclude that you are in total agreement with the song's lyrics? Maybe you can agree more with even adding a little make-up on?

Pam: These self-labeling people totally crashed the whole idea of music genres.





Yes,we all know that music genres are partially influenced by subcultures. BUT does listening to the song, and dressing up like one of them actually makes you one of them?
What happened to the admiration of jazz? Having the ultimate 'source' of the so-called 'rock-fashion', these fools would just click channel 71, and start absorbing onto the things that are 'cool' today. Do you think this affects the contemporary Malaysian lifestyle? I must say that the act of analyzing what artists apparel are,and having to put them on yourselves doesn't really quite get you in the head. To conclude this, these acts are most commonly the acts of gaining attention, or trying to fit it, or just killing to be different/unique.

semiotics

This is one of those times where I start questioning myself with the purpose of blogging. Clearly, both you and I do not want this to be a waste of time. It has to sort of contribute to both me and my readers in different ways. I'll start thinking of yours tomorrow, but for now let me just speak my mind.

Ever wondered how our lives are always based on these common routines that channel us into different decision makings and from there, making you a whole different person? I'm a believer of Christ. From the very time I embraced Christianity, it took me around a total of three to four months to the realization of many, many things. Altogether, this journey of life became a stranger to me. A rather close, comforting one that is. I could say this with courage, that the Bible, the word of God speaks itself with truth and truth it is to me.

I've been doing an assignment that helps us build our skills of design researching. Different themes, different topics, different findings is what makes this subject really interesting. Well to be exact, mine is "Contemporary blond artists re-living Monroe style". Pretty cool topic I must say. It depicts how these blond female artist tries to imitate Monroe. The tricky part comes in when you question yourself whether style equals personality or appearance? or both? what about life experiences?

Though only half of the proposal in conducted, I was able to come up with a couple of different opinions and judgement/ beliefs whatever you want to call it. A hand full of suitable candidates to appear to be in my list such as Christina Aguilera, Madonna, Anna Nicole Smith and Gwen Stefani. Some say (due to the fact that Anna N. Smith died recently from her overdose) that Anna totally followed the footsteps of depression and the "sex icon". Christina Aguilera admires the classic Monroe look and success, and Madonna was a head to toe wannabe Monroe, till she achieved recognition of her own. Gwen, was just ahh, the look.

To be very honest and clear, none of the comments were from myself. It was the comments of some close friends I interviewed, with their own understanding of my title. Again, I thank God for having Him guide me into a well situated place where I have at least one/two subjects that I'm doing well.