No verdict.

I don't know how true is this, but I've noticed that I'm more of a dreamer than anyone I know, or at least anyone I could think of right now. Not daydream though. It's just one of those moments where you sometimes reflect on certain thoughts about something that you probably wanted to think of or probably popped up in your head. Well, that 'sometimes' to me, happens to be most of the time. Even to the point she couldn't believe it. She would ask me whether I noticed how long of a pause was that.

Now I also used to have the thought of how much of a choice a person has to determine what he/she does or reacts to a certain situation, answers to a questions, behaves, everything. I thought it shouldn't be much of a big problem for me, but somehow, it sorta is. I'm stuck in the thought of 'a person can change another person by changing him/herself' with 'God's made you that way, and so use it wisely for His purposes'. Before I go on, I think this should be another issue of people being judgmental. Could it be that I'm afraid of other judging me, or could it be that I do not like being judge by other people, I have yet to find out.

A whole other thing. When I was roughly about the age of 15, let's just say I figured I found out I wasn't bad at handling sketches and I could draw. I remembered the very first thing I fell in love sketching were building facades and all that architecture jazz. Even remembered I once filled in my ambition blank as an 'architect'. Guess that didn't work out at all, reason was I hated figures, and I still do. After building facades, it moved on to human portraits. I concentrated, and copied every single line, only finding out that I wasn't too bad at 'copying' a certain portrait. Once I hit 18, I never touched a pencil. Till 2 days back, I figure, heck I don't know how far can I go within the ad field. Since I've had a passion, I am going to re-live it. I did, and it worked out pretty well. Not bad as a remedy whenever I am unoccupied.

Picked up the interest of drumming two years back, when I first accepted the Lord. I thought, okay my pace with coping went pretty well but now I'm really just stuck at a point of improving further. Honestly, it's deteriorating when you give a thought about what you can do best, finding out that there is none. That you do have a lot of interest and have already involved yourself in it, but most of your involvements in it are just as good as mediocre. Spare me an answer. You think those are the thoughts of a person that couldn't get himself anywhere because he hasn't aced in any one of those involvements yet? Or something deeper instead, like I probably have not figured the IT thing that I was suppose to do.
But you know, nearly everyone does things they prefer not to do, and they're still doing so. And of course I do not wish to be in that group of having to rant about everything, everyday. Unless God takes a hand in this, I'm gonna slap someone.

I'm on holidays and my mind's' still not declaring peace. Proves that 'free time' is not exactly what I need. I was wrong.